In this early morning, I write it down. Today’s only purpose: watch myself, monitor myself, without judging.

11:38am. Nothing to do at work — just sitting, waiting for customers. So I read. A book I started three days ago: The Well-Lived Life by Gladys McGarey. A passage from two days ago comes back to me:

“Close your eyes for a moment. Allow yourself to feel desire — whatever you want for yourself and your life. Wish for it earnestly. The words you’ve been too afraid to say to someone. The job you thought you’d never have. The laughter and the friends you miss. Even a piece of fine chocolate. Just feel the desire.”

And then, the next passage:

“Now that you know what your desire is — feel the life force it stirs. It may not feel strong yet. Eyes open or closed, find a comfortable position and breathe deeply. Answer yourself honestly: what is your reason for continuing to live right now? Even something small — if there is anything that brings you joy, be grateful for it. That gratitude will give you the courage you need to keep going.

How much life force am I living with right now? Do I need more? Where do I need to go — or what do I need to do — to feel truly alive?”

If monitoring is the passive goal, this is the active one. Today’s to-do list: exactly two things. Only these two. Starting now.


See you on the other side of it.