Two desires.

The first is rest. But rest — as I have known it — means moving without intention. Reaching for the phone. Morning scrolling through SNS. Porn. Some days, masturbation. Evening gaming. Doing what has always been done. All of it connected. All of it rooted in the same place — a mental and physical home state built entirely on sensual desires.

So. I must let these desires come and go. And always keep it real — whatever happens, whatever the circumstance.

One thing: thought — only intentional thought. When I have conscious intention, I think. I can do this. I can master this.

Second: stand alone. Always be alone when circumstance arises.

And simultaneously — be kind. What is kindness? Kindness is not yes, yes, yes. Kindness is responding to the world in harmony. Kindness is not what to say — it is how to say it. And what to say is another matter entirely.

What to say — does this speaking make things better for all of us? Does this behavior make things better for all of us? No? Then it goes. And this point arises endlessly — a pain inside. This pain is not about serving my individual sensual desire or dopaminergic satisfaction.

So. Stay focused. Move and speak with intention. Simultaneously — always watch the smallest behaviors. Watch. Notice. Be kind. Be humble. Focus. Watch.

No matter what happens — it passes. Forever leaving the unconscious, habitual state.

All of myself.

A new world is on the other side. Beyond. It will break open — and we go through it.

All things disappear. All things move. All things become nothing. My consciousness grows still. And at the same time — all things become dynamism. Within infinity, infinite constraint and infinite freedom coexist.

Performing the courage to receive this entire flow as it is — I command the alignment of consciousness and intention, focus and deep focus.

Until 10 pm today — I allow everything. And nothing.

Wherever you are. Whatever you are. Whatever state you are in. Whatever you are doing. Whatever you are sensing.
The monitor must not turn off. The monitor that observes the self. That alone — must not go dark until the moment this life ends.
Not knowing where the monitor is, not seeing it — that is acceptable. But the moment you know it exists — keeping it on for the rest of this life is both responsibility and duty.

Even while writing these words — the monitor keeps turning off. It must be turned on again. Turn on the monitor. Turn on the monitor that watches the monitor. Turn on the monitor that watches that monitor. Turn it on infinitely. The monitor exists within infinity. It is the infinite monitor — continuously watching the self. Down to every cell. Every thought, every feeling, every movement, every sensation — a monitor that can see all of it.

Whether falling into illusion, falling into ideology, blinded by rage, or having the sensory nerves paralyzed by desire — do not turn the monitor off. Keep it on.

The past disappears. The future disappears. My habits disappear. My identity disappears. My self disappears. Yet not a stillness that has stopped — but an infinite factory in motion. No stillness. The disappearance of everything. No reward for it. An infinitely turning dynamic industrial machine that exists alongside the dissolution of all things.

A primordial fear of this. A fear of what cannot be understood. Cannot be understood. Yet can be experienced. An anxiety, a fear — coming from the wish that it were not so. And yet there is only that, in that place.

To face the truth and become one with it — that is the only thing.

Fear exists everywhere only when there is no oneness. Oneness. Within the dynamism of every sense and nerve, every energy and gravity, every motion of the entire universe — what remains after disappearance: order and disorder.

The dissolution and forgetting of eternal fear. The dissolution and forgetting of eternal prediction and expectation of the future.

Only this — in the moment of dynamism, as dynamism, becoming one with dynamism, existing as dynamism, as chaos.

That is the only path..?

First. No unintended thought arises.
Second. The heartbeat is felt — yet it simply beats.
Third. Breath occurs — yet it simply occurs.
Fourth. No awareness of the environment — yet everything is connected.
Fifth. No stopping. None at all.

Sixth. It is none of the five above — and the moment something unintended arises, it is noticed immediately, and there is a return.
Seventh. And the place to return to disappears.

The biological and vital manifestation arising from the patterning of purposeless life driven by immediate gratification — and the adaptation, resistance, and application to an environment one simply drifts through without intention.

This is being expressed perfectly. There is nothing wrong with it.

But when all of this stops — when it is set down — what will fill the vast empty space that remains? The creative will and effort to answer that question requires focus, deep focus, simultaneity, and the capacity to dwell there long — an effort that is unnecessary and yet necessary at the same time.

And so — the only thing to do today is this: endure and focus. Until it is expressed. Stay there. Remain.

And at the same time — record it. How long can you remain there. That is the first thing.