Monday morning. Woke up feeling slightly comfortable with the uncomfortable — but.

Usually on weekends I waste time. Computer, games, porn, something. But this Sunday, playing games felt flat — like dopamine had simply stopped. Just tedious. So I went to my room, lay down, and stayed still. Literally still. Leaning, doing nothing. Strangely, the usual flood of thoughts didn’t come. Just a strange feeling — and with it, I stayed. Then drifted into a nap. Woke up, went to the computer a little, felt it again — that same thing — so I lay back down. And slept again. I don’t know what any of it means.

One more thing. Around 11am, I stepped out of the shower and something strange happened. A vague awareness — as if I drew a circle about 2 meters around myself, and I became one with that space. Not swept away by it. Just — present with it. That 2-meter space and me, together, as it was. Quiet. The closest thing I can compare it to, looking back now, is the final silent moment in the F1 movie. But that feels forced. Never mind.

Today, waking up, the usual flood of thoughts — but slightly different. If fifty thoughts usually rise, maybe two to five were noticed before disappearing. Got up, washed. I believe my scalp is healthy, so I skipped shampoo today. After the shower, while blow-drying my hair, thoughts started surging again — about three rose, I noticed them, and they were gone.

Walked to work. Usually about 40 minutes on foot. Along the way, I traced back what I thought I understood yesterday.

There is no observer in life. No one watching me. No one observing me. All of it — illusion. The observer and the observed do not exist. At least not in our own perception and thought. No one is watching. Not even you yourself. The very concept of observation never existed to begin with.

What this means — again, I don’t know, And Maybe Don’t Need To