Two desires.

The first is rest. But rest — as I have known it — means moving without intention. Reaching for the phone. Morning scrolling through SNS. Porn. Some days, masturbation. Evening gaming. Doing what has always been done. All of it connected. All of it rooted in the same place — a mental and physical home state built entirely on sensual desires.

So. I must let these desires come and go. And always keep it real — whatever happens, whatever the circumstance.

One thing: thought — only intentional thought. When I have conscious intention, I think. I can do this. I can master this.

Second: stand alone. Always be alone when circumstance arises.

And simultaneously — be kind. What is kindness? Kindness is not yes, yes, yes. Kindness is responding to the world in harmony. Kindness is not what to say — it is how to say it. And what to say is another matter entirely.

What to say — does this speaking make things better for all of us? Does this behavior make things better for all of us? No? Then it goes. And this point arises endlessly — a pain inside. This pain is not about serving my individual sensual desire or dopaminergic satisfaction.

So. Stay focused. Move and speak with intention. Simultaneously — always watch the smallest behaviors. Watch. Notice. Be kind. Be humble. Focus. Watch.

No matter what happens — it passes. Forever leaving the unconscious, habitual state.

All of myself.

A new world is on the other side. Beyond. It will break open — and we go through it.