Category: Raw brain

40 minutes pass — in an instant. 4:47 am. I should go out for a few minutes, breathe the early morning air for the first time in a while. Walking, they say, is one of the most effective ways to quiet uncontrolled thoughts. I knew that. But I haven’t done it in a long time.… — read more

4:09 am. I wake up. Last night, the same pattern came — but slightly twisted. Not too much stimulation. A little stability. Asleep by 11:00 pm. Now, nothing special. I just want to sit down, turn on the computer, and write it down. Today’s first and only purpose: do whatever I do. But notice it…… — read more

Work time is over. I’m heading home soon. From now until I sleep, my tiny war will begin. Take the karma of my pattern, my past — it’s okay to start with all of it combined together. But a… hello..? — read more

Just remembering this morning. When I woke up, my thoughts burst out like a flood — within 10 seconds of opening my eyes, my head was already full of every thought from yesterday. There is a windmill in my mind, spinning infinitely, and it seems I cannot survive without it. Like a spinning turbine. I… — read more

First, afraid of doing the same karma, the same thing, the same pattern. But will it be okay? No. It will not be okay. Confused by my karmic old pattern. But the fortunate thing — I am noticing. And whether that noticing will help, I still don’t know. The sun is slowly setting, and the… — read more

When I was young, I was shaped by everything I saw, everyone I spent time with, everything people said to me. What am I? I am a collection of all of it. So if I want to become something else, I need to vomit it all out — every root, every nerve pattern, emotional pattern,… — read more

Anger — from everything, from inside me. All anger is directed at other people, but it obviously comes from within me. Where does it come from? Why do I get angry? What even is this? What is anger about? I get angry at people who project onto others. I get angry when I hear irresponsible… — read more

My arms feel hollow. My body too — hollow. A small body sitting, going nowhere, simply one part of this whole. A heaviness, like a machine that has stopped. One experiment to shift this heaviness: close my eyes and imagine a bright feather. A brightness so intense it wraps the entire world in light. I… — read more

In this world, how many people have I helped? I’m not sure. How do I even measure the people I’ve helped? What is help? Is it important? I don’t know. I remember what I wrote before — it is very important to synchronize myself. Let’s synchronize. — read more

3:30. The sun goes down slowly. And I feel something — I want to let go of myself. To flow with a very slow, low frequency. To make myself a low frequency flow state. Not high. Not fast. Low. Is that right? I am not sure. But — try this way. — read more